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<title>i'll put down my roots when i'm dead by Spannah339</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655679">i'll put down my roots when i'm dead</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spannah339/pseuds/Spannah339'>Spannah339</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Canonical Character Death, Dream Smp, Gen, Ghostbur, Memory Loss, SPOILERS FOR NOVEMBER 16TH</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:15:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655679</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spannah339/pseuds/Spannah339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wilbur remembers a lot of things.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>sleepy bois family vibes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll put down my roots when i'm dead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>posted this on tumblr a few days ago but figured i'd chuck it here as well brain is full of ghostbur thoughts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wilbur remembers a lot of things. </p><p>He remembers being small enough for his father to carry, the thrill of clinging to the front of Phil's shirt as the world spread out below them and feeling the wind in his hair as they flew. </p><p>He remembers sitting on the edge of a fence as the sun sets, strumming on his guitar and making occasional comments towards his brother as Technoblade worked on his farm. </p><p>He remembers tackling his youngest brother to the ground, laughing and teasing him, ruffling his hair and making fun of his pouting face. </p><p>He remembers Sally, remembers soft orange fur and bright black eyes and a sense of pride and loss and guilt and hate and grief that is almost too much to handle and he doesn't want to remember it. </p><p>He remembers walls, high towering walls that fill him with so much pride. He remembers bee hunting with Tubbo, baking with Niki, spending time with his family. </p><p>He remembers that he is dead. </p><p>There is a lot that Wilbur doesn't remember. </p><p>He doesn't remember how he died. (But sometimes he remembers a mad, manic laugh that can't possibly be his, he remembers rocks and rubble and blood and tears and a diamond sword and his own father's face and he doesn't want to remember.) </p><p>He doesn't remember how the craters that cover L'manberg came to be. (But sometimes he remembers fire and pain and a wild, mad emotion deep in his chest and he remembers 'it was never meant to be' and rough wood under his fingers and he doesn't want to remember.) </p><p>He doesn't remember why Tommy's eyes are wary and guarded whenever he's near. (But sometimes he remembers his brother's face, hard and determined and full of betrayal, he remembers 'let's be the bad guys!' and 'if you do this we die as well' and he doesn't want to remember.) </p><p>He doesn't remember why Fundy's voice is full of such anger when they speak. (But sometimes he remembers pride and hope and excitement and a small hand in his and he remembers betrayal and fire and locking eyes with someone he knew - loved? - abandoned and ‘I despise you’ and he doesn't want to remember.) </p><p>They try to tell him. They try to remind him of what he had done, of who he had been. But every time they do, every time the memories whisper at the edge of his mind it <em>hurts </em>and all Wilbur can remember is sleepless nights and tearstained pillows and the weight of the world pressing down on him and a mad need to be known, to be seen, to be heard and to be respected and he knows that no matter what happened he doesn't want to feel that ever again. </p><p>He doesn't sleep, not like the others, and usually that's okay (is there a usually? He doesn't remember, he only remembers each day and the people he sees and that he doesn't want to be who he was before.) Usually, he can work on his house, on building his library, on his own projects. </p><p>But he's drawn. Drawn inexplicably to a room, a cave boarded up and hidden away, the walls scarred and coated with ash, the floor covered in dust and rubble. Scratched into the wall, the mad messages of a failing mental state, a clinging hope to a song that proved to be untrue. </p><p>When he's there it's almost too much. He remembers more, remembers standing on a stage and talking, remembers running, remembers hiding, remembers the mad need to destroy, remembers moving, moving never having a place to call home, remembers pain and hurt and betrayal. </p><p>He remembers his father standing over him with a bloody sword and he knows. He knows that he became a monster. He knows that it's his fault Tommy's eyes are full of weariness, his fault that Tubbo flinches whenever he hears fireworks, his fault that Technoblade has been disowned by his own brother and ostracized, his fault that Fundy hides his pain behind a persona of humour and pranks, his fault that his country is gone. </p><p>He doesn't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't want to remember anymore. He wants to hide away, to forget everything he had done to his family, to build his house and live in the peace he had never experienced while alive. </p><p>If his own father had killed him, he must have been a monster. If his own father had given up on him, he couldn't let himself be the same person he had been. </p><p>They like him better like this, he knows. If he doesn’t remember, maybe they will forgive him. </p><p>He doesn't remember why he needs to be forgiven. </p><p>He doesn't want to remember. </p>
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